I’m a mom of many; not a nutcase!

I want to know why it is perfectly acceptable for strangers, family, and friends to trash our family size. I wouldn’t dream of going up to someone who has chosen to remain childless, and saying, “Whaaat!!! OMG, I could NOT do that!” or “Oh, no way! You MUST have a child”. Likewise to those people that have one or two children. You won’t hear me running my mouth about how you should have at least one more. It is RUDE. It is classless. It is completely distasteful for anyone to make a comment regarding the family size a couple chooses to settle upon.

Also rude, tactless, and offensive are quips meant to be funny like, “Don’t you have cable?” or “they make a pill for that now” or “Gee, I don’t know how you do it all, with all those rugrats running around” or (my LEAST favorite) “Are you always gonna be pregnant & barefoot?”.

Seriously??!

Apparently Emily Post did NOT visit the homes of these people.

Specifically, this means that “well-meaning” strangers, family, and friends shouldn’t be so hyper critical of MY family size. Bluntly, it is none of your business if we are having another. And, furthermore, it is nobody’s business if we want to have 2 more, adopt 4 kids, or do foster care for 100.

Well-meaning or not. It’s still not acceptable for anyone to say to me, “Oh, I hope you don’t have anymore!” or “You’re not pregnant again, are you?”.  Maybe some people don’t realize how much that hurts. It feels like a slap in the face, as if we are such horrible parents that we shouldn’t be allowed the joy of another child to nurture. We are far from perfect– as any parent would admit to. But we ARE good parents.

Frankly, I never imagined I would have more than a single child. But now I have five, and I love each & every one of them, every single little ounce. They are the best things I have ever, or will ever, do with my life. And, I will admit, I WANT another baby. I WANT to adopt or do foster care. We are waiting for financial reasons, but eventually I will have another child to hold in my arms.

Which leads me to my next point… What is SO WRONG about large families? Children always have someone to play with. If you don’t get along with sibling #1, turn to sibling #2. When we’re all older, the children have built in best friends. Their children will have multitudes of cousins. Imagine holiday dinners! Yes, the money has to go further. Yes, they share a bedroom. Yes, the laundry piles up, I have bad days, and wonder how I will make it through. But in the end, it is MORE than worth it.

And just so you’re all aware… We aren’t trying to beat out the Duggar family. We aren’t followers of the quiverful movement (not that there is anything wrong with that, if that is what a family choses). Don’t worry; we won’t hit you up to buy extra Christmas presents or birthday gifts.

So please, even if you are “well-meaning”, your words cut like a knife to a mother whose children mean everything to her. Don’t make off-the-cuff remarks about our reproduction choices, because the stick in my brain as snide insults directed at my parenting abilities.

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2 Responses to I’m a mom of many; not a nutcase!

  1. Heather says:

    Well said! I get little comments from my family about how they hope we’re done because of our circumstances and it sucks! Am I going to have another tomorrow? Nope! Do I want to have another someday, definitely! I wish they’d just learn to keep their mouths shut!

  2. Megan F says:

    I feel the exact same way as you. For my own self, I can’t imagine having more than two, (mainly for financial reasons) but I think if parents want to have many children, and can support them, then it is their business and no one else’s! Those types of comments would hurt me and piss me off too. I’m sorry you’re having to go through that! 😦

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