How to NOT sell your stuff on Craig’s List.

So I’ve been posting a ton of ads on the local CL trying to purge our cache of the spam our house has collected– extra kitchen gadgets, cheap furniture, kids clothes/toys/movies, etc etc. I’ve come to realize that there is no particular way to SELL your things, but if you DON’T want to sell, post your ad in the style of one of the following:

xbox 360 8 games battlefield 2,gears of war,medal of honor airborne,call of duty word at war,cabelas trophy bucks,fifa 07,call of duty4 mondern warfare,farcry 2!!!250.00 cash or trade for range finder!!!!!!!!!leupold only!!!!!!! if u realy want pic il send them by cell phone!!!! XXX-XXX-XXXX  nathan or maybe .22 pistol 

OR:

Desk for sale. (That’s it, with no email, phone, or other contact info. Or pictures.)

OR:

TITLE: #($#&$((@@!!!!!REALLY NICE COUCH!!!!!@@#$%&&^%$#@!

My ex-druggie roommate left this on the back porch. I pulled out the needles. Broken leg, missing cushions. You’ll have to vacuum out the dead mouse & food. A STEAL at $50!! Come & get it!

 OR:

This table was bought two years ago at Dania Furniture for $4,039. Excellent condition. Must sell TODAY. Moving TODAY. Come and get it by three. Only asking $3,999. Major savings!!

 Last but not least, my favorite kind:

Cabinet up for grabs. Get it now. Cash only. Won’t help you load. Bring a truck-heavy. Sitting on the sidewalk in the rain– better hurry. Don’t call after 7pm. Don’t call on weekends. Don’t email, won’t answer. Posting for a friend. GET IT NOW. Live on Powell.

Ok, you might be asking yourself what’s wrong with these sorts of posts…. Well. Lemme give you a quick rundown:

1) WTF are you saying?! We can’t understand you! Less abbreviations, fewer acronyms. MORE ENGLISH! Also, the space bar is a KEY ELEMENT of typing. So are the shift key, the ones with the little dots, and the one that says “ENTER”. FYI. And advertising that you’ll accept picture mail on your cell which is so conveniently posted is just asking for trouble. NEXT!

2) Should be pretty obvious… No matter how much I might need/want/yearn for a desk, if I can’t contact you instantly and anonymously, I’m ignoring your ad. Plain & simple. NEXT!!

3) Sounds… uh….. charming. Really. Maybe you should chose to A) give it away (with a HazMat mask) or B) clean it up yourself, and not post all the bad stuff about it, ESPECIALLY if you want $50 for a used couch on CL when there are 2,493 free ones that are 10x better. And the “fun accent symbols in the title to get a buyers attention” are an EPIC FAIL. NEXT!!!

4) You sound like an angry, scary, psychopath. NEXT!!!!

One last thing. Although you mean well, when you post brand new baby gear for “a family in need” inevitably some no-morals slime ball will come & get your FREE stuff (that cost you & your family/friends a ton of money),  and resell them in THEIR store or on CL or EBay to make money off of YOUR charity! If you really want to help someone in need, contact a crisis center, teen pregnancy center, or a family counselor near you to see if they have any clients that need them.

Let these ads be a warning to you, my friends. And remember, CL is full of bottom-feeders looking ot make a quick buck off of your kindness.

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3 Responses to How to NOT sell your stuff on Craig’s List.

  1. Anonymous says:

    you are SO entertaining!!!!!! honestly, you are cracking me UP!!!!!

  2. kelli Breuklander says:

    oops, Anonymous is ME…..still working on figuring this out. Give me time. 🙂

  3. Cheryce (Pdxby7) says:

    Ooooh! I was all excited about having a secret admirer! Haha!!! 🙂

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