Purgatory in Portland

Main Entry: pur·ga·to·ry
Pronunciation: \ˈpər-gə-ˌtȯr-ē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural pur·ga·to·ries
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French or Medieval Latin; Anglo-French purgatorie, from Medieval Latin purgatorium, from Late Latin, neuter of purgatorius purging, from Latin purgare
Date: 13th century

1 : an intermediate state after death for expiatory purification; specifically : a place or state of punishment wherein according to Roman Catholic doctrine the souls of those who die in God’s grace may make satisfaction for past sins and so become fit for heaven
2 : a place or state of temporary suffering or misery

I think definition number 2 works best in this situation.  That is how I feel right now. Like we’re just in this place of non-existence. It’s pretty pointless to do major work or organization in the current place. We aren’t staying in Portland, so there’s no point in looking at housing here, or employment, or new connections. We’ve mentally moved to Iowa already, and plan activities for ‘when we get there’. I’ve stopped looking at Portland as the place I live, and have begun looking at the city in retrospect.

“Wow, I’ll miss that!” “Can’t wait to never do THAT again!” “We should do this before we leave” etc etc etc.

“We’ll have to do ____ when we get there” “In the new place, we’ll do that” “It’ll be fun to see ____” etc etc etc.

Right now, I’m wasting away on the computer, because I really REALLY don’t feel like cleaning the house when we’ll just be packing in a couple weeks. A corner of our living room has 12 boxes packed, stacked, and ready to go. But how long will they stand there, staring me down, reminding me that I’m stuck in this tiny place another day?

I keep daydreaming about FINALLY getting on with our lives.  So many pieces need to fall into place before we go. Employment. Housing. Custody stuff. Finances. It would be grandiose indeed if just ONE of those things was set in stone so we had a DATE in mind. I can live with this unkempt disaster for another couple months if I know we’re in the home stretch. But to look at the calender, and flip to March or April and not have a clue which time zone we will be living in…. Well, that’s just to much for a control-freak OCD mom of 5. I need structure! A plan! A check list! Something!!!

Time to go through another stack of junk & see what we can sell/toss/donate…. Maybe it’ll help the weeks pass.


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