It has been a week to
remember forget. I confess that I don’t handle my emotions well while Ryan is traveling for work. To say I was on a short fuse would be an understatement. In my defense, it’s pretty emotionally exhausting to take care of four kids from 6:30am until 8:00pm for a week, alone. And don’t get me started on the evenings.
I’m sure my green eyed monster was feeling it, too, considering I was stuck in this condo in dreary Portland, while Ryan was in Hawaii. (Yeah, yeah. It was work. But it was still Hawaii!) When you’re the parent who stays at home, business travel looks to be a great adventure, and even more so if you have never actually taken a business trip. I mean, when you are at home, working your regular 9-5, you have the evenings to do whatever you want. Which leads my mind to conclude, there must be even more freedom to do as you please when you’re in a completely different time zone than your family. So, I was
extremely just a little resentful that Ryan had hours in the evening to traipse around Hawaii.
You don’t have to agree with me, but it was what it was. I was in one sour mood until Thursday. Parker had rolled over for the first time on Monday, shortly after Ryan left. I missed a doctors appointment because there wasn’t anyone to help with the kids. When I had to run to the store, I had to drag along all of the kids. It’s really hard to be a single parent, but it may be even harder to be a temporarily single parent who is used to having a partner to hep out with kids & household chores. And I just couldn’t shake that feeling of resentment that he ‘got to leave’.
I realize that isn’t fair. It’s not like he chose to miss Parker rolling over or wanted to make my life hell for the week; he didn’t have the choice of staying home. It’s funny to me that I don’t seem to be as snarky when he is in, say, Lubbock Texas. It’s just the Hawaii trips that trigger this in me. As a perk to being a SAHM, I think I should get to take business trips to Hawaii or New York or somewhere fun. It seems only fair, right? Of course, instead of working mine would be filled with 27 trips an hour to the restroom and trying to schlep through airports with 5 kids & their gear in tow.
Doesn’t sound like such fun…. But anyway. There you have it. My deep dark secret that I was incredibly jealous that my other half got to leave all of us behind for a week. It took me awhile to realize what the real issue was, and I have finally come to the conclusion that I need a break. More than a couple hours to go shopping. I need a weekend trip to somewhere my kids are not. Somewhere that wedding planning is not. Or housecleaning. Every mom deserves a break, whether her ‘work’ earns her a paycheck or not.